We all have times when we feel we need to reach out and find someone to lean on: but often it can be difficult to know how to be that support, when someone you are close to seems to be struggling.The following article aims to offer some practical advice for how to identify and help somebody that you think may be in the middle of a mental health crisis, while ensuring that you stay mentally well and in a position to continue helping those around you.
Knowing When To Reach Out: Recognising Some Common Signs Of Mental Distress
It is impossible to know what’s going on inside someone’s head. The easiest way to find out if there is an issue is to ask, but there are other potential warning signs too. Often, a key sign is simply change – if someone you know starts to exhibit a radical change in how they present themself, act, or what they enjoy, it may be time to reach out.
Behavior that can be considered high-risk, such as substance abuse, unprotected sex, and dangerous physical activity, especially if uncharacteristic, is also a red flag worth watching out for. Pay attention as well to what people are talking about: if someone is dwelling on themes of worthlessness, death, or feeling hopeless and trapped, it is probably time to start the help process.
How To Be A Supportive Presence
Showing Up
One of the most helpful things you can do for someone struggling mentally is simply to be there. Showing up for someone shows that they are appreciated, and that you care – it is a way of demonstrating that they are important, something which people often doubt when experiencing a mental health crisis.
Even if this “showing up” is not even physical, a little demonstration of consideration such as a spontaneous phone call, or even just a text checking in on someone – it can be immensely comforting to know that someone else cares, and you aren’t facing a mental challenge alone.
Learning To Listen
Having reached out, a key thing to remember is that it is rarely advice that is helpful, but rather lending an ear to listen to someone’s problems. It can feel daunting, and like something that should be left to experts (as indeed it sometimes is) – but you don’t need to a specialised mental health degree like a BSN to PMHNP to be able to ask a friend how they are, and listen as they try to articulate what they’re feeling.
Bear in mind that often someone may not have fully worked out what they’re going through even in their own head, so be patient and generous when listening; try to avoid minimizing problems with phrases like “it could be worse”, or “it’s not that big a deal” – even with the best intentions, you may inadvertently invalidate the other person’s feelings.
Separating Behaviour And Person
It is also important not to personalize their behavior. By ensuring that you don’t blur the line between the mental illness they might be experiencing, and the person at their core that you know and love, you help frame the issue as a manageable problem, rather than an essential part of that person’s personality: it is the difference between feeling like a person experiencing sadness (as we all sometimes do) and feeling like a fundamentally sad person (which could raise collateral self-image issues, potentially worsening the episode).
Feeling Out Of Your Depth? When To Seek Outside Help
The line between manageable emotional distress and a dangerous lapse in mental health can be hard to define, and the ability to recognise when more specialist help might be needed is paramount, both for their safety and your continued ability to help. It is crucial to seek specialist help if there is any element of danger (to themselves or others) to what the other person is saying or doing: this could include self-harm, violent outbursts, or a developing eating disorder.
Less drastic manifestations of mental ill-health, too, may warrant professional consultation, including mood changes, persistent apathy, sleep or appetite changes, and many more – as the American Psychiatric Association stresses, early intervention in mental illness cases, as with physical afflictions, can minimize symptoms and improves chances of recovery.
The Importance Of Self-Care
“Please ensure your own mask is secure before helping others.”
The principle of this instruction, given to passengers before take-off on an airplane, applies to anyone reaching out to help someone with their mental health – you must be secure yourself in order to help anyone else.
To this end, make sure that you set reasonable expectations with the person you’re helping, so that you avoid getting burnt out: this could take the form of only talking between set times, not engaging in conversations you find triggering or hurtful, or something as simple as ensuring there is enough of a support network in place that you can refer an issue to someone else if you don’t feel up to helping with it.
Additionally, it is vital you keep up basic self-care such as getting enough sleep and exercise, eating and hydrating properly, and spending quality time doing things that you find relaxing or enriching.
The calm and stamina that follow taking good care of yourself will make you much more likely to be a patient, active listener, and ultimately will make you a much better support to anyone struggling with their mental health.
Having recognised that someone might be struggling, the way to approach the issue is to invest in your own strength, while reaching out to them, being there for them, and validating their concerns to the best of your abilities – and remember, if the issue seems to be too dangerous or even too exhausting to handle alone, there are many professional services available to assist you.
